I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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