one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
