you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
