Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
