tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
