Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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