i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
