I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
