i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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