Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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