I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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