As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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