I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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