I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
