We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
