The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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