So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
