My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
