Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
