Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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