True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
