Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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