Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
