i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
