I accidentally burped into my bong.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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