Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
