I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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