tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
