Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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