There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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