Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
