OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
