she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
