I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
