Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
