I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
