I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
