You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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