I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
