Swine flu. Run for my life!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
