The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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