If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
