i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
