Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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