Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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