Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
