I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
