Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
