I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
