mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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